Today is the Day
by I 3 Magnus Bane
Summary: High School au. Castiel is a suicidal nobody who's bullied for his intelligence and sexuality. He is all set to kill himself, until he finds a note from a mysterious person in his locker. More notes come, forcing Castiel to try to piece together who it was who saved his life with the first note, and was spicing it up with the others. Destiel, self harm, suicidal thoughts, slash.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't have a beta, nor do I want a beta, so all the mistakes will probably stay there, because I am a lazy person who won't bother fixing them.****  
**

Chapter 1

Castiel trudged through the sea of students, eyes on the floor and body hunched up to make himself seem less noticeable. Today was the day. Nothing mattered anymore, because today was the day. _I'm going to be fine, because today is the day. Nothing can hurt me – nobody can hurt me anymore, because today is the day. _Castiel's lips twitched upwards into a small, sad smile at these thoughts – the kind of thoughts that had been around all day.

Castiel forced his lips back down – he never smiled at school. If he started now, people would question it. He couldn't have any delays, because today was the day. All of the students were in a rush to get home, having been dismissed from class, but all Castiel wanted was to get to his locker as soon as possible.

"Castiel!" A voice rang out, and Castiel cringed inwardly, cursing the girl with the loud voice and the popularity to match. Lisa Braeden. On any other day, she would have swept her gaze past Castiel as if he were part of the wall she was used to seeing, but as her hazel eyes analysed the crowd, she picked him out easily. _Why today of all days?" _Castiel groaned to himself. Today was the day, after all, and he couldn't have any distractions. He was tugged, sighing, into an empty classroom by the petite, brown haired girl.

"So we have that English project together," she said, her voice laced with about as much disgust as Castiel was feeling. He gave no more than a jerky nod as Lisa rolled her eyes. "You'll do it without my help?" She asked, applying lip gloss she had just gotten out of her bag. Castiel felt a sudden urge of hatred for the girl standing in front of him, and courage that would most likely make him the schools number one target, but it didn't matter anymore, because today was the day.

"No, actually, I won't. Although granted don't see how much help a numb-skulled annoying idiotic little brat like you would be in the first place," Castiel snapped as Lisa's jaw seemed to drop. She regained her composure moments later and narrowed her eyes in a way that would make anyone else run before they died, but not Castiel. Because today was the day, and nothing mattered anymore.

"You will regret that, Novak," Lisa hissed out as she slammed out the doors in fury, most likely already plotting her revenge. Revenge that she would never be able to see through, because today was the day. Sure, he hadn't said much in the first place, but speaking the slightest bit out of line to Lisa Braeden and she would bite your tongue off so you wouldn't be able to again. Castiel left the classroom and made his way to his locker. The only good thing to come out of the unpleasant meeting was the fact that the hallways were now near empty, so Castiel could move swiftly to his locker with no interruptions. He didn't _need _to go to his locker, but he figured it was the best place to put it. Put the letter so that the students could have one last laugh at him before they fell silent. Castiel shakily entered his locker combination, his hand trembling and sweating with nerves.

He placed the letter in plain sight, so when his locker was cleared out, it would be easily seen. The letter explained everything – the letter explained why he was dead. The letter talked about the constant bullying, the family problems, and his sexuality were all factors in what was soon going to be thought of as the tragic accident. Castiel thought of all the people who were going to miss him – wasn't that the shortest list in the world? Castiel didn't let himself think of Gabriel, who had always been there for him. He didn't let himself think of Michael, who was always trying to help him to do the right thing. He squeezed his eyes shut and calmed himself down, clearing his thoughts and replacing it with just one – _I'm going to die today, and the suffering will end. _Castiel went to close his locker, but stopped when he saw a small envelope sellotaped to the door of his locker that wasn't there that morning. He opened it cautiously, eyes widening when he scanned over the five words that the letter contained.

Cas,

I really like you.

_Maybe today isn't the day after all._

Castiel flung himself onto his bed, the small letter scrunched up in his hand. Where he had previously felt empty, he felt something… else. Was it hope? Was it joy? It all felt so foreign now. Castiel stared at the letter in a mix of wonder and frustration. He was meant to be dead. He was meant to of gone to the closest bridge and flung himself off of it. But instead, he had come home. He had suffered through a family dinner, the chair his dad was meant to be in painfully empty, and he had done his homework and gotten ready for bed. All because someone, probably a stupid freshman who didn't know any better, had said they liked him. But he knew why he did it – or more, _didn't_ do it. It was because everyone wants to feel wanted, especially by people who aren't related to you, and especially people who feel like they worthless, and have nothing in the world. People like Castiel.

A quiet knock came from the door, and Castiel was startled out of his thoughts

"Come in," he called out quietly to whoever was behind the door. Michael entered stiffly, standing in the doorway slightly awkwardly, like he wasn't comfortable in his own body. Michael and Castiel used to get along very well as brothers, until Castiel came out to his family. Everyone had been more or less okay with it, apart from Michael and his mother, Naomi. Recently, it seemed that Michael was becoming a lot more comfortable with the fact that Castiel as gay, which Castiel put down to his father leaving. Michael seemed to think family was more important than ever, and had apologised for his behaviour not long ago, which meant the two where in an awkward phase.

"Castiel," Michael nodded, breaking the silence. "We're watching a movie downstairs – do you want to join us?" Castiel shook his head slowly, returning his gaze to his ceiling, content with staring at it in the dark, knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep. He knew Michael was frowning at him, but didn't look back over until he heard the door click shut. He could hear Michael telling Gabriel what had just happened, and Gabriel being angry about it.

"He has to do _something_!" Gabriel insisted. "Have you seen the kid recently? His eyes look dead…" Castiel shot up in his bed. He had been trying so hard for them not to notice how he was feeling. He spoke when he was spoken to, he participated in the occasional family activity, he even forced a smile when one of his siblings made a joke. But he couldn't do it anymore – he couldn't live a lie, he couldn't act like a normal teenager on the outside when inside, he was breaking. He couldn't stand listening to the conversation outside, and instead looked out the window. His room was on the second floor – the ground wasn't too far away… Sneaking out didn't seem that hard, and at the moment, he didn't care what his mother would say about it. He grabbed his tan trench coat and flung the window open, looking for the easiest way down. He decided that it was either tonight or never. He would go out, and if he didn't come back, so be it. But if he did, he was going to get better. He was going to force himself to get better. Castiel glanced once at the piece of paper in his hand, and slowly began to lower himself down the drain pipe…

**So yeah, this is my first Destiel/Supernatural fic. Review if you want to make me happy ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sup! I opened my laptop with plans to do my science homework, but that can be done in a mad rush tomorrow morning. **

Chapter 2

Castiel felt so _free_. For so long, he had felt like he had been trapped, trapped in a place of fear and doubt and guilt and worry, a place of depression and self-hatred and worthlessness. But running down the street in his Harry Potter pyjamas and the note in his hand, he felt as if he could almost crack a smile. He didn't know where he was going to go, and it felt _fantastic. _He felt like he was surrounded by the night, like he was in a new town, a new city, a new _country_ where nobody knew who he was. Where h could be anything or anyone he wanted.

Castiel could run away. He could start a new life. He could end his life without dying. But the feel of the paper in his hands stopped him. He couldn't forget why he was still alive. _I really like you_. Castiel allowed himself a small grin, and ran off down the street, his bright yellow slippers not the best running attire.

Eventually, when Castiel saw fast approaching visions of unconsciousness, he allowed himself to rest against the wall of what appeared to be a bar. _The Roadhouse_. The sign out front said. Castiel pondered for a minute, before deciding to go in. He was in a good mood for the first time in what felt like forever. He knew not to waste it. You only know true happiness when you've known true depression, so Castiel knew that these moments were to be savoured.

Castiel swallowed his nerves and walked into the bar. He regretted it almost immediately. Almost everyone seemed to turn to the 16 year old boy in the Harry Potter pyjamas and the florescent slippers. Castiel took a moment to decide he didn't care and slid into a nearby empty booth. He had a slight flash of panic when he realised he didn't have any money, before he remembered that he always kept a $20 in his socks in case of an emergency. It was just lucky Castiel liked to wear socks to bed.

He picked up a menu, still feeling as if the whole place was staring at him, and read through all of the items. He wasn't hungry – he was never hungry anymore. When the pretty blonde waitress came over to take his order, he knew what he was getting. He just hoped he could talk to her without breaking down. Talking to other humans always made him panic.

"Hi, I'm Jo, how are you?" The girl, Jo, asked, but Castiel had been too focused on remembering his order, and blurted out,

"A decaf caramel latte." There was a small silence in which Castiel wanted to bludgeon himself to death, but Jo broke it by laughing and taking down the order.

"It'll be done soon. Nice attire, by the way," she grinned. _Was she being friendly and funny or was she being sarcastic and making fun of me. Had she been laughing with me or at me? God, she was laughing at me and she's going to tell all of the other workers and they'll laugh at me too, _Castiel thought miserably. His rare good mood was rapidly deflating. Jo was gone by the time he had gotten his way out of his head, and he had nothing to do but sit quietly. That was always the worst for him. He needed a distraction, or he got caught in his own head, forced to deal with his demons, who loved to taunt him. His latte really didn't take long to come, but his latte wasn't what he was interested in. He knew the guy who was bringing it over. Jo must've been busy, because a painfully attractive teenager with light brown hair **(HIS HAIR IS BROWN WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY IT'S DIRTY BLONDE? IT ANNOYS ME SO MUCH!)** and bottomless green eyes, which Castiel tried not to drown himself in. Dean Winchester. He was the schools clique popular jock, part of too many sports teams for Castiel to name, and boyfriend of Lisa Braeden. Castiel didn't know what is was about Dean, but he hated him with almost every fibre of his being. Maybe it was because he was so popular, while Castiel was eaten alive at school. Maybe it was because he hung around with the people who tormented him. Or maybe it was because Dean Winchester was how Castiel realised he was gay.

"You go to school with me," Dean stated lightly as he placed the drink down, before telling him the price. Castiel gave a small, thoughtless nod, before he began rummaging through his right sock for his money. Dean stared at him as if he were crazy. "Er… You okay, man?" He asked, just as Castiel fished the money out of his sock. Castiel nodded again and handed the money to Dean. "You don't talk a lot," Dean noted, and Castiel wished he would just shut up. "You don't talk much at school either. You don't even answer questions in class, even though you're a genius." Castiel felt a blush rise up his neck.

"How would you know I'm a genius if I never answer questions in class," he managed to challenge, figuring if he talked, the ordeal would be over quicker. Dean laughed breathily.

"Everyone knows you're a genius – you're a junior even though you're supposed to be a sophomore," Dean said smugly, as if he won something by knowing this fact. Castiel shrugged and took a sip of his latte so he wouldn't have to answer. He stared out the window noticing with annoyance that it had begun to rain. Dean seemed to get the message and gave him his change, walking away a few steps before turning back. "Just to let you know, I like your Harry Potter pyjama's," he winked and was whisked away by someone complaining about the service, leaving a baffled Castiel. _Great,_ he thought dully_, everyone's going to know about this by morning. _

When Castiel got to school the next day however, he noticed three things of interest.

Nobody seemed to know about his pyjamas or his trip to _The Roadhouse._

Everyone seemed to be glaring at him, whereas before they used to just ignore him.

He had another note in his locker.

He didn't care about any of the three things. The first was a slight relief, but his life in high school was already living hell, so how could it get any worse? The second didn't really matter, because as much as he hated getting noticed, he felt so much more… confident. Like, now that he knew he didn't fear death, he could escape from his life in a number of ways if things got too bad. And the third one, well, it was obviously some sort of prank. Someone must've gotten Lisa to distract him just so that they could slip the note into his locker.

Even so, he opened the second note with a slightly joyous feeling he forced down. The second one said,

Cas

Why the trench coat?

Castiel was confused for many reasons. Why did the person call him Cas? And did they expect him to respond? Castiel scrunched up the note and threw it back in his locker, deciding to forget about it. It's not like he would tell the stranger about the reason for his ever-present trench coat anyway – it was far too personal. When he turned around, he was startled to see three members of the football standing around him. Castiel swallowed nervously, knowing what was coming. He never should have pissed off Lisa. It mattered now, seeing as he was alive to face the consequences.

"Well, if it isn't our favourite little faggot," the biggest one sneered, moving slightly closer. Castiel felt a spur of courage that he would forever blame for what happened next.

"From how close you are at the moment, I would think I am your 'favourite little faggot'. Something you're trying to hide, Gordon?" Castiel asked pleasantly, and you could almost hear everyone who was watching take a breath and fear for the boy who was about to get the shit beaten out of him.

"Funny, you say that as if we're not going to pummel you into the ground for it," Gordon spat out, hands clenching into fists.

"Funny, you say that as if I give a flying fuck," Castiel retorted quickly, feeling victorious at the stunned look on everybody's faces. Castiel had never had it in him to fight before. He had always listened to what they said without comment, taken their punches without struggle. But that was the reason he hated himself so much – because he was so damn pathetic. As Castiel slipped away from Gordon, he was almost smiling. But then Gordon had to ruin it. He had to call out after him.

"Big talk from the guy with geek pyjamas and bright yellow slippers. As if you weren't gay enough already." Castiel felt himself collapse inside, and the fight drain out of him. He ran, like he was so used to, with people laughing behind him. He accidentally ran into Dean as he escaped, almost knocking himself over.

"Hey, Cas, I wanted to-" Castiel turned livid eyes onto Dean, who was the reason the whole school was going to know about his little trip to _The Roadhouse _and cut him off with four words he wanted to say to him for so long.

"Go fuck yourself, Winchester."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Castiel decided that he didn't want to go to school that day. He was top in all of his classes, and he had never even considered skipping before, but things were different now. Castiel just couldn't find it in himself to care about school any more. He went through his siblings schedules in his head. Michael and Lucifer were a year older than him, so they were in his grade; Gabriel was a senior, so the three of them had school. Balthazar was away at university, although he was supposed to be coming home to visit sometime soon – Castiel could only hope it was another day. His mother, Naomi, worked as a 'business woman' (it was all she ever said about her job) in the city, and worked all weekdays, and his father… well, he didn't matter anymore, did he?

The only issue was that he was supposed to be tutoring a sophomore – Adam Milligan, who had recently joined the school and was failing at maths. He supposed he could go back to school at the end of the day or…

Castiel whipped out his phone as he walked through his front door – he didn't live too far from school, so it was no problem for him to walk. He had Adam's phone number, in case there were any problems with tutoring. He quickly sent a text with his address, saying that his house would be a more preferable work area, and to come after school.

"Who's there?" Balthazar's voice called out, and Castiel tensed, panicking. "Cassie!" Balth exclaimed as he came out of the kitchen to see him standing in the doorway.

"I don't feel very well," Castiel suddenly blurted out, hating his lack of lying skills. Balthazar furrowed his brows, before shrugging.

"Too bad. You should probably go to bed then. I'll call the school," he said before whizzing away, back into the kitchen. Castiel walked up the stairs, feeling awful. He knew the feeling that was settling around him, and he wished it would just go away. When he got to his room, he sat on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing deeply and too fast. Everything in his life was crashing down around him, and he didn't even know why. Apart from the bullying, Castiel had a near-perfect life. He had a loving family (excluding his mother and father), a lot of money, supreme intelligence. And were friends really that important?

Castiel didn't know what to do – he just wanted out. He wanted it to stop. He wanted to suddenly stand up and be happy again. He wanted the tears to stop and the pain to go away. His eyes were suddenly drawn to the pocketknife he kept on his bedside table. He hadn't done it in a while, not since the scars started getting too hard to cover up. Not since people started to get suspicious of why he always wore his trench coat.

Castiel was over by his bedside table with his sleeve rolled up before he had even consciously decided to do it. He took in a long breath before pressing the blade against his skin, the cool metal biting into it. Instant relief spread through him, but not enough. He pressed down harder, blood bubbling up around the blade as he swiped it across. A small amount of blood trickled down his arm as Castiel took in shaky breaths. He threw his knife down onto his bed and rushed to his en suite bathroom, pulling out his first aid kit and trying to avoid having to look at his reflection. He couldn't stand looking at his dead blue eyes, pale skin, and lanky, messy black hair. He wrapped a bandage around the bleeding wound, washing off the blood first, and pulled his sleeve back down. It was as if nothing had ever happened.

"Cassie, someone's here for you!" Gabriel called from down stairs. Castiel heaved himself off his bed, not even trying to make himself appear somewhat presentable. He stumbled down the stairs to the sight of Adam standing nervously in the doorway, fiddling with the strap of his bag.

"Hello," he greeted, and Castiel nodded in response.

"We had better get started – Gabriel can lead you to the study while I go get my books from my room," Castiel said, ignoring Gabriel's melodramatic sigh at his words. Adam nodded as Castiel turned and walked back up the stairs, taking his time to get his books. He didn't really want to do this – he had only agreed because he had been so eager to go home, and Mr Crowley would have kept him as long as possible to try and convince him to the tutoring.

Castiel grabbed a notebook and a pen, knowing that his maths textbook was more advanced than Adams. When Castiel left his room, he ran into Michael – quite literally. He looked rather flustered, and Castiel couldn't help but be curious as to why. Michael cleared his throat awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot.

"You didn't tell me you were having a guest over," Michael huffed, hands twitching by his sides. Castiel shrugged.

"You didn't tell me you were going to wear those shoes with that shirt, otherwise I would have been too ashamed of you to let you walk out of the door," Castiel replied breezily before going back downstairs and to the study, where Adam was sitting nervously.

"Okay, I think we should start with the basics. We'll discuss the formula for a sector of a circle…"

Castiel didn't want to go to school, but knew he probably should. Tutoring with Adam had gone fine, although Castiel had found out that Adam was the half-brother of the Winchesters. He was in Sam's grade, and didn't act or look like either of them.

_I could do anything I wanted. Why should I go to school? I could buy some new clothes, get a new look… dye my hair… pierce something… Who knows? _Castiel knew how slim a chance there was that he was going to do any of these things. He always wore clothes so similar that it was as if he only had one outfit – a white button down, black slacks, a blue tie, and a trench coat. He didn't even think he _owned _anything other than that.

Castiel suddenly sprung up and crossed his room to his closet, flipping through all of his clothes. Maybe this is what he needed – a new look. He pulled out some black skinny jeans that Gabriel had gotten him as a joke, knowing that Castiel would never wear them. He pulled out a black button down – it would cover his arms well enough, he was just always paranoid when he wore white ones that they would be too see through and someone would see his scarred arms. He rummaged through his drawer until he found a silver bowtie that Balthazar had gotten him years ago. He threw the outfit on and admired himself in the mirror – even he had to admit he looked good. The only thing that might make the outfit better would be a black hat, but since he didn't have one, Castiel had to make do.

Balthazar, Gabriel, Michael and Lucifer were sat around the kitchen table, the twins arguing over who got the last pancake, Balthazar and Gabriel discussing a prank that Gabriel was planning on pulling on some douche at school. They all fell silent when Castiel walked down the stairs. They were so used to him in his usual outfit that at came as a big shock to them that Castiel was finally trying something new. The silence was broken when Gabriel wolf whistled, a sly grin on his face.

"Looking good, Cassie," he complimented, although it was always hard to tell if Gabriel's compliments were genuine or not. Castiel ducked his head, embarrassed, and left quickly, not bothering with breakfast.

"Cas seems so much different from last time I visited," Balthazar observed, his tone almost sad.

"He changed a lot – especially since dad left," Michael said, his mouth twisting in disgust as he spoke of their father.

"It's more than that. He seems to be… fading. It's like he doesn't even know who he is any more," Balthazar sighed. "I suppose we'll just have to watch out for him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

**So, how do you feel about Cassie's new outfit? Do you want to see him dye his hair? Maybe some highlights? Get a piercing? Something else? I'm open to suggestions. And please, Don't say anything like 'that's not what depression is like' because I've gotten that on other stories, and I can tell you that I'm basing this off of my own experience, so don't tell me I don't know what I'm saying, because, most unfortunately, I do. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!**


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